Premarital counselling

Preparation, Not Repair

Most couples plan the wedding in extraordinary detail and the marriage hardly at all. The venue, the colours, the guest list and the photographer all get months of attention. The conversation about money, about whose family expects what, about what happens when you disagree, somehow never quite happens.

Premarital counselling is where those conversations happen while there is still time and space to have them properly. Nothing is wrong. That is the point of coming.

What We Cover

• Communication, and how each of you behaves when a conversation gets difficult
• Money, earning, spending, saving, and what you each expect of the other
• Family and in-laws, including obligations neither of you has said out loud
• Conflict styles, and what happens when one withdraws and the other pursues
• Values, faith, and the assumptions you may not realise you disagree on
• Expectations around children, work, and where life is heading
• What you each learned about marriage from watching your own families

Two Ways to Do This

One to one sessions. Just the two of you with a therapist, working through the areas above at your own pace, with room to go deeper where your particular situation needs it.

Group classes. A small cohort of around ten couples working through the same material together. More affordable, and many couples find it reassuring to hear that others are navigating the same questions. Places are limited and cohorts run to fixed dates.

Questions Engaged Couples Ask

We are not having problems. Do we still need this?
Yes, and that is the best possible time to come. This is preparation, not repair. Couples who do this work arrive at marriage already knowing how to handle the difficult conversation, rather than learning during it.

Is this not what our church already does?
Church premarital classes are valuable and we encourage them. This is different work rather than competing work. We go into how the two of you specifically communicate, disagree and make decisions, which a group teaching setting cannot reach.

Our wedding is in a few weeks. Is it too late?
Not too late, but tighter than ideal. Couples get the most from starting several months out. If your date is close, come anyway and we will focus on what matters most first.

What if we discover something that worries us?
Better now than in year three. Nothing that surfaces here would not have surfaced eventually. The difference is that here you have support while you work through it.

Should we come together or separately?
Together for most of it. Some couples have an individual session each along the way, which can be useful.

My fiancé is not sure about this.
That is common, and often the reluctant partner finds it more useful than expected. Come and see rather than deciding in advance.