The real reason your communication breaks down.
“I just don’t know how to communicate.”
This is a sentence therapists hear in almost every session. But here’s the controversial truth:
Most people don’t struggle with communication, they struggle with being heard.
We have been conditioned to believe that when communication breaks down, it’s our fault. We
assume we’re not saying things “right,” not using the correct tone, or not explaining ourselves
well enough. But what if the real issue isn’t how you speak, but who you’re speaking to?
The Myth of the “Poor Communicator”
You’ve probably heard phrases like:
• “You need to communicate better.”
• “You don’t express yourself well.”
• “You’re too emotional when you talk.”
Yet, have you noticed that people are often labeled “bad communicators” only when they try to
set a boundary or speak their truth? It’s as if expressing yourself honestly is seen as a flaw, rather
than a strength.
The Hidden Power Struggle in Conversations
Not all conversations are created equal. Some are silent battles, disguised as dialogue.
Have you ever tried to express a concern only to end up apologizing? This is not healthy
communication, it’s manipulation or deflection.
Healthy communication looks very different. It allows:
• Space for discomfort without punishment
• Accountability without shame
• Feedback without defensiveness
When these elements are missing, it’s not a failure of your communication skills—it’s a sign that
the relationship lacks emotional safety.
Why being misunderstood isn’t your fault
One of the deepest wounds therapists see is people blaming themselves for being
misunderstood. It’s painful to feel invisible, dismissed, or “too much.” But here’s what you need
to know:
• You are not a broken communicator because someone didn’t value your voice.
• You are not difficult because you feel deeply.
• You are not too much because someone else is emotionally unequipped.
You are allowed to express yourself, to feel your feelings, to confront difficult topics, and to
speak up, even when your voice shakes.
The goal isn’t to communicate in a way that makes others comfortable. The goal is to
Communicate in a way that keeps you honest.
Honest communication builds emotional safety and respect. It invites connection, not control.
In conclusion, if you have been labeled a “bad communicator” or are tired of feeling invisible
in your relationships, know that you’re not alone. Our therapists are here to help you find your
voice again and build emotional safety in every conversation, starting with your one with
yourself.
Book a session today and take the first step toward healthier communication and more fulfilling relationships.